Friends, the upbringing we get, the values our parents instill, their nature, the way they deal with us, leaves a very deep impact on our lives.
It shapes our entire life, either takes it to a negative or a positive state. Makes us strong or weak. So this is a very critical, very important, very valuable aspect of any person’s life. Are there such things, small or big, that can affect our child’s future? There are very simple things for raising children, but they are very important and will have a very deep impact.
Balancing Respect, Fear and open communication in Parenting
It is very important that children respect you. They should have a little fear for you. But this fear should not be so much that your doors are closed for them forever. They should not be able to approach you, they should not be able to come to you. They should always know that if I do something wrong, I will be scolded, I will be punished. But they will listen to me. My parents will listen to me, they will not leave me. They will not do anything very bad to me. So I am a part of it. If I have made a mistake, if something wrong has happened, I can go to them, talk to them. The path of conversation should always be open.
There should not be so much fear, not so much respect that I cannot talk to them, I keep on suffocating inside. Talk to children also. Tell them your story. Sometimes you judge, sometimes you don’t, sometimes you scold them, sometimes you don’t scold them. Speak, I am with you. Always tell me what is in your mind and correct me when needed. The child should realize that his mistakes will have an impact on you, the effect will be visible, you will get angry, but his mistakes are not such a crime for which he should not go to you.
Fostering Indipendence in Children: Balancing Guidance and Freedom
Friends, don’t always look at children as future adults, that in future this small child will become a big person like I am today. This means that you should not impose yourself completely on that child, it is also important to know his wishes. What he wants to do and how. Let him take his own decisions from the time he is small. Let him think what he wants to do. This ice cream, this. We will go for a walk here. Use this subject. Don’t be friends with this person, be friends with this person only.
The more you impose yourself completely on the child, the more he will become dependent on you, he will not be able to take his own decisions. There will be a lot of problems in life ahead, let him make some mistakes, make his own choices, take his own decisions, give importance to him too, he has to go for a walk. So ask your child also where he wants to go.
For yourself also, sometimes especially in those things in which that child is involved, in this way that child will become mature, independent, will move forward. And as I always say, the best lessons of life, the biggest lessons are learnt by a person by making mistakes. Without mistakes, no person can become a mature person. So let him make mistakes, leave enough scope, let him take wrong decisions, it should not be completely wrong that the child is taking drugs, the child is drinking alcohol.But if you encourage him to take small decisions on his own, then ask him for his opinion.
The Art of Guiding without Forcing
Now people say that children don’t listen to me. I get tired of explaining. I get tired. They don’t listen to me, they will do as they please because nobody listens to anybody. Children are fickle anyway. Even adults won’t listen to you. You should follow your own way, so if you want to make someone listen to you, then pay attention. Don’t think that he should follow my way. Just pay attention that how? He should understand that this is right.
Very important thing and there is no better way to make him run away than giving a live example, practical example. The more you try to stop him, the more he will free you and move ahead. He will use all your strength, tell him that it is okay to do what you want. He will listen to me once, then tell me a story that this happened to him or this would have happened if he did this.
Share any mistake of your life, your decision is in your hands, if you make a mistake, then you will run away son. I have explained to you, do whatever you want to do after thinking, leave it. Explain to him freely, look at the examples, show him the mirror of truth and then leave him.
Even if he takes a wrong decision once or twice, then he will start listening to you, will start understanding that your words were correct, now I made a mistake. And whenever you are explaining to the child by giving an example, give an example of one point, not of the whole life. Look at those great men who lived in Jeevan Ji, look at that child, how talented he is, how much he has achieved, do not give examples, this is comparison. Do this, give an example to your child that friends, I did a lot, on their advice, I did this work, I did this wrong thing, I did stealing, after that this wrong happened to me, I got a lot of shame, I was insulted a lot, then I never did that or did that person’s act. Then see what was the result, tell me, he got this result. This person did this thing, did a little good and got such a good result. Give him an example of the point.
The Power of Respect over Punishment in Shaping a Child’s Behavior
Slap the child ten times. Eleven times he will extend his cheek himself and say slap me quickly I will go ahead do my work and have fun. The slap is not important. The fear of the slap is important and we are afraid. We are afraid of that thing which we do not get again and again, from which we are away. Whatever is negative and we are away from it, it is not happening again and again. When any bad thing happens again and again, it becomes strong, it becomes a threat and it is worse for your child. Then he will definitely become shameless. He will do whatever he wants, he will extend his cheek, hit him.
Instead, give your child respect, prestige, position. I am proud of you. You are a very honest child. Always speak the truth, never lie. I respect you on this occasion. And respect him in front of the children as well. He will get a status which has to be produced. He will get a respect which has to be protected. Convince your child that he is responsible. He is mature, he is good. You respect him for this. He will automatically stop from instigating the wrong path. He will be saved.
Be the Role Model You Want Your Child to Follow
Whatever you want your child to do, first make yourself like that. You are abusing, fighting every morning and evening and wishing that the child will learn only what he is seeing, seeing with his own eyes, especially seeing his parents doing it. First adopt that thought, that nature, that way in your conduct. Practice and your child will learn it on his own. After seeing the right result. If you want your child to respect you, then you should also respect all the elders with devotion. Respect those who are equal to you. Respect those who are less than you. Respect everyone. He has seen that my mother and father are not respecting a poor person.
He will learn to insult the weak and everyone becomes weak some time or the other. So first of all look at your conduct, look at your nature, what kind of life you are living. What message are you sending to your child, correct it. The child will become good on his own, the right sanskars will be instilled in him on his own. Read good books in front of your child, talk to him repeatedly, this is very beneficial. He is getting to learn a lot, he will automatically feel like doing it, forgive the mistakes of others in front of your child. Never mind, I have forgiven you. He will also learn to forgive mistakes.
Fostering Indipendence and Self-Reliance in Children
Friends, it is very important to instill independence and self-reliance in children, which is very less in our society. We always want our children to follow our wishes, live their life the way we want, I take their every decision, they do not take any decision against me, such children get suppressed, suffocated, their personality becomes weak, they are unable to take their own decisions, they are unable to do anything on their own, they always need support, they always need a stick to walk.
You want that the person whom you have given birth to, brought up, seeks all kinds of support in life, so let him take his own decisions, let him take small decisions. Let him take big decisions. There is a decision about career, there is a decision about marriage, where to live, that is the decision about the child, what to study.
You inspire him, show him the right path, give him examples, help him in research, give him guidance, but let him take the decision, make him self-dependent from childhood, you are giving him pocket money, give him from a young age, tell him that he has to manage the expenses in this, manage it, have fun too, buy toys to give gifts to mummy-papa, manage it all on his own, he should learn to manage on his own what expenses to save, where to save, where to stop, how to control himself, let him try, let him try, let him sort out his things on his own, if you face any small issue, I will correct it, I will do it, then don’t back down, take your children forward. You do it, I am watching.
You have the backup, but let him do it himself. Only then will he get used to doing it. Don’t do your child’s homework yourself, no matter how difficult it is. Help him become capable of doing it, help him learn, help him understand.
Teaching Your Child the Path to Inner Strength and Wisdom
From a very young age, give your child knowledge about the depths of life. Give him knowledge about what to eat, what not to eat, what to do, what not to do. Tell him that desires are of the senses. You are not a sense, you are the intellect, the mind, the soul. Desires can never give you happiness. They give you happiness for a while and then fade away. They pull away the life-force. They make you weak. Son, if you want to become a strong person, you will have to control yourself. You will have to stop yourself. Never be afraid of this world, the world is different, you are different. You are a soul, nobody can destroy you. No one can do anything to you, if you are right, walk on the path of right.
People’s words will have no effect on you because they are just words, don’t take them to your heart. Move forward on your own path. Either talk about such spiritual things in front of your children or directly to them. Don’t expect them to listen to you immediately. Do it again and again. The more you do it, the more it will get ingrained in their minds.
Understanding the Impact of Over-correction in Parenting
Sometimes the mistakes of children should not be ignored. Not every time, catch them many times. If you correct, correct or punish your child for every small mistake, then he will start fearing to commit mistakes and when a person starts fearing to commit mistakes, he cannot do anything, he gets nervous at the beginning of any work that he may commit a mistake, then he is not able to do anything. Sometimes ignore the mistakes, sometimes say, it is okay, if it is okay, then it is done, sometimes get angry, why should he not start doing wrong, he may become hurt.
Instilling Strength and Compassion in Your Child
Never make your child egoistic, arrogant or aggressive. Do not make him childish. But definitely learn defense. Do not tolerate wrong, face the wrong, if there is a fight, if someone is fighting, do not run away. Have a feeling of love for everyone. Just ignore some things.
Teaching Neutrality and Equality to Your Child
It is very important to teach your child to be a little neutral. Do not make him judgmental. Form an opinion that he is judging on the basis of background, caste, gender. Or judging the circumstances only on the basis of how they appear. If something bad happens, it is bad. When something very good happens for the future.
Make him neutral. Tell him to judge any situation, any person, any situation without any prior judgment. Do it, understand it, then decide and be open to any thought. If any fact is coming in front of you, any logic is coming in front of you, then change it.
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Don’t be adamant about it. Don’t fight for it. If something right comes your way, learn to accept it. A person should constantly improve. This is how he becomes better, matures, improves. Teach him a sense of equality. Everyone is equal. Respect everyone, honor everyone. Everyone is important. Whether someone is rich or poor in your house, the more you interact with him, the more you interact with his nature and behavior. Pay the same attention to him. Do the same things yourself. Teach the same things to your child as well. He will get a great personality.